Why I Can't Do Heroin

I have really small veins.

They're small and they're jumpy.

I've known this for quite some time, mind you, but it was abundantly clear to me today when I went to my doctor's and had to have blood drawn. The phlebotomist took about ten minutes feeling one arm and then the other before settling on the right. I have a freckle right at the crook of my elbow, and I know that the best place to hit a vein is about a half-inch to the right of it. I pointed this out, but she insisted on plunging the needle in further over and further down. She didn't hit anything so she opted to poke the needle around under my skin in the hopes that by treating my arm like a flank steak she might find a vein. She finally gave up, saying that she just didn't understand where my veins were.

But of course, she still needed to get blood out of me. Fine. So she has me put the left arm up on the table and feels around for two minutes, then asks me if she can try my right arm again. I glared at her. She followed this up with the question, "Do you mind if I try going through the back of your hand?" Yes!! Yes, I do mind! I have to TYPE with my hands. So I pointed out exactly where the good vein on my left arm is. It's not at the crook of the elbow, but further out on the outside of the arm. It's a painful place to get poked, but hey, that's where the vein is. I showed the phlebotomist, who looked skeptical until she actually felt my arm and said, "Oh, there is a vein there." Well, duh.

So she stuck the butterfly needle in and lo and behold, there was blood. She finished up and sent me on my merry way, not saying she was sorry but informing me that I might have some bruising.

Now, I am a very pale person. My skin is practically translucent (you'd think this would make it easy to see the veins, but no). If you poke around beneath my skin, I am not just going to bruise, I am going to bruise BADLY, in many colors, from yellow-green to purple-black. And because I will be bruised in both arms, I am going to look like a heroin addict for the next week and a half.

Nice. Very nice. I get to look like a junkie and I don't even get the drug high. Sigh.