Kiefer phone home

Rod and I went to see the movie Phone Booth on Friday.

I cannot recommend it.

Here's the deal. The premise of the movie is that Colin Farrell goes into a phone booth to call a girl who is not his wife. Kiefer Sutherland calls the phone in the booth, Colin picks up, and Kiefer forces him to stay on the phone. He does this by threatening to kill him if he hangs up. And of course, other people (namely a bunch of hookers and their john) want to use the phone, thus making for both tension and hilarity all in one.

Now, does this make any sense at all? No. I mean, if you're so lonely that you feel you have to call people on the phone randomly to try to make a friend, then maybe you shouldn't threaten to kill them. But of course, Kiefer isn't trying to make a friend, he's trying to make a point. It's an odd point, but whatever.

See, apparently Kiefer's been following Colin around and has decided he's a bad man. Colin isn't having an affair, but he'd probably like to, and he has an inflated sense of self-importance. In the world according to Kiefer, that means Colin must die. Or, at the very least, confess his sins to an entire street full of New Yorkers, including a bunch of cops and his wife and several news teams.

This movie is ASTOUNDINGLY preachy. Just obscenely so. It implies that you should be completely honest with everyone you know - which, let's face it, is just unwise. It means that you wind up being mean. "Yes, honey, that dress makes you look fat." Or STUPID. "Yes, I know you're my boss, but you're inept and I don't understand why I don't have your job." I'm not saying you should be lying to people, but really, there are just some things that are better left unsaid. At one point in the movie, Kiefer talks about having offed a couple of other guys, one of whom was a pedophile, the other was an embezzler (I think). I don't know, but I think those are not quite comparable to a guy who is thinking about sleeping with a girl, but who clearly already feels guilty about feeling that way.

And what the hell? Are there any phone booths anywhere anymore?? Oddly enough, another one turned up on last week's episode of 24 - perhaps a subtle pleas from producer Kiefer Sutherland for folks to go see his movie? I don't know, but trust me - you'll be happier sitting at home watching 24 than paying $10 to have Kiefer tell you to be good.

You better watch out, you better not lie, you better not covet, I'm telling you why, Kiefer S. will shoot you down.