Last week there was a comment posted on an entry I made earlier this month. The entry was celebrating Rod's and my anniversary and the comment was from someone I don't know, who has never commented on my site before. I have no idea if he is a first time visitor or what, but here is what he had to say regarding Rod's and my year together
The fact is that time is very hard on relationships, even those that start as promising as yours. Most of us find ourselves sorely tested at some point and chances are you will too. But its hard to appreciate that at your stage. We all think that we're different and special but we aren't. What I'm actually reflecting on is my own life not so much yours. Good luck and thanks for sharing.
Well, gee. Thank you for sharing. Bitter much?
I think that in today's society, most intelligent people are cognizant of the fact that lots of relationships fail. Within my own family, my parents' did as did my brother's first marriage. I'm plenty aware of what the odds are.
On a personal level, I'm not naive of how difficult it is to maintain a relationship. I've been in long term relationships before; I'm not nineteen years old and rushing into marriage with the first guy I ever dated. I know how the world works and that couples have to tackle problems head on. I understand that.
There is, however, one thing I don't understand. That's this: where do you get off coming onto someone's blog who you don't know, someone who is clearly happy and in love and wanting to share that joy with their family and friends, and trying to rain on their parade? So you had a failed relationship. That's unfortunate, and I'm sorry about that, but for you to come on my blog and morosely warn me about the perils of the path ahead as opposed to sharing in that joy is just plain rude.
You say, "We all think that we're different and special but we aren't." The fact is, that's just not true. Every person is different and special and every relationship is different and special, and if you can't understand and value that, then I can understand why your relationship failed.
But again, thanks for sharing.
Comments (5)
You bet everyone is "different and special". Anyone who thinks we're not has never met Rod or you. Come to think of it, I've never met you - but Rod is sufficiently different for two!!! I don't think the guy was rude - or even particularly sad. Probably just a wee bit lonely. He can't have a nice shiny computer like mine to talk to.
Posted by: Rod's Faither | July 29, 2003 4:08 PM
Yes, we are very different indeed.
I was probably way too hard on this guy, I know, but I was really agitated. I'm in love! It's a good thing! Let me be!
Posted by: joy | July 29, 2003 5:01 PM
Hmmm.
Yeah, I don't think he was really trying to rain on your parade. He just sounds defeated -- and we've all been there. He did say he was reflecting on his own life as opposed to yours. Sounds like he's trying to be the old sage giving advice.
We are all different and special. Even the anonymous poster.
Posted by: cds | July 29, 2003 10:35 PM
On the one hand, I think l'poster anonymous tiptoed over a line. On the other... aren't you implicitly inviting such comment when you have a blog?
Posted by: TC | July 29, 2003 11:52 PM
In some cases I would agree with you, but in this case, no.
If I had posted a treatise pronouncing mariage to be the finest institution around and inviting all to challenge, sure, step up. But I said I loved my fiance. I said I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.
And in return, I was told that 'we all think we're different and special but we aren't." It's that comment that gets me. The rest of it I can take, but that just gets me. You want to be a harbinger of doom, so be it, I can take that, but we're all special, damn it. Every relationship follows its own unique path and yes, every relationship hits bumps. I never said they didn't. But the idea that a relationship is NOT special, not different... I don't like that. If you don't treat it like it's special, if you don't value it for its uniqueness and for the wonder of it, then the bumps and hard times will kill it, no question.
A warning, fine. But again... damn it, we're in love. That's a special thing in and of itself.
Posted by: joy | July 30, 2003 4:46 PM