LaughAtlantis

Outside the T last Thursday I found one Mr. Joe Curtatone, mayoral candidate for the great city of Somerville. Joe was striding up to people with that purposeful walk that only politicians have, shaking hands. His campaign workers were handing out flyers which outlined his plan for improving our local school system. I don't have kids, but I thought to myself, what the hell, why not get my personal gripe out there.

I introduced myself and asked him if he had any thoughts about Somerville's recycling program. He told me he had been a part of getting the recycling program off the ground several years back as an alderman, and that he felt that the Somerville program was a good one. I have to admit, I really wasn't listening all that well, because I had pretty much made up my mind that no matter what he said, it wasn't going to be a good enough answer and that my issue was going to get heard.

Here's my problem. I don't have a recycle bin. The problem, though, is that when you put out things that should OBVIOUSLY be recycled (such as big ol' moving boxes that have been broken down, or a box full of cans, or the like) and they aren't actually IN a recycle bin, the garbagemen just trash them. So, even when I try to recycle, they don't let me. And it's tough to get a recycle bin. When I lived in Brighton, you could call a number and they'd deliver a recycle bin to you. Here in Somerville you have to go to the DPW and pick one up - which is not particularly convenient in that I don't have a car.

So I told all this to Mr. Curtatone. He explained that he wanted to institute a 311 line in Somerville whereby people could call city hall if they had non-emergency issues that needed to be attended to, as a sort of central clearing house for information. Seemed like a good idea to me. Better than that, he turned to one of his campaign workers and said, let's get this woman a recycle bin. He took my name and address and believe it or not, within three hours, I had a recycle bin. I like that. He followed through.

And WE followed through. Yesterday, I took out - er, ROD took out the trash and the recyclables proudly, knowing that we were doing our civic duty and making the world a better place. No more putting out boxes that would get thrown away by ignorant garbagemen. No more tossing out cans that I know could be and should be recycled. No more hoarding soda cans and sneaking them into other people's recycle bins! Life is good again!

Well, it WAS. But by the end of the day Tuesday, someone had stolen our recycle bin. We got to use it ONCE.

Think I can convince the other mayoral candidate to get me a new one?

"I like Joe Lieberman. I look at the presidential candidates and I think, there's a bunch of bruised apples, and then I look at Lieberman, and I think, well, there's at least a slight sheen on that. Sort of."

Ooh, he's all metaphorical. Democrats are bad apples. I get it.

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"I get my news from Fox, the Wall Street Journal editorial, Rush Limbaugh... where do you and your people get your news?"

If you're reading this, by the way, you are now one of my people. I own your ass and I will force you to read news online from at least three different sources every day, and to watch The Daily Show. Heed my bidding. You are my people.

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"I have a theory about John Kerry, about what he's doing to seem more appealing to people. You know Julia Roberts, right? Well, I think Kerry had collagen injections in his lips."

I don't even know what to do with that.

So, today Massachusetts passed a law saying that civil unions aren't enough, that there needs to be gay marriage in order for homosexuals' constitutional right sto be upheld.

In Ohio today, they banned gay marriage.

What the fuck???

It boggles my mind that the Massachusetts Supreme Court can look at the US Constitution and say,"Yes. Yes, we will allow gay marriages because anything less is unconstitutional," while the Ohio State Supreme Court looks at the same damn laws and says, "Oh no. That's not going to happen. Gay marriage is banned here. Never gonna happen. And no domestic partnership rights either, ya godless heathens." So, say I'm gay and I'm married in Massachusetts and then I move to Ohio? Well, I'm completely fucked in that case, aren't I? It's just a ridiculous concept.

Technically the US Civil War was about states' rights, not slavery. But the issue there was, the Southern states wanted to have the right to own slaves while the North said, "Wait a sec, those folks're people too, and you can't just enslave them because you need to turn out a tobacco crop!" The North beat the South, damn it all. Forget states' rights. Let's go with civil rights.

Do we get to have an emancipation proclamation for the gay community? You are free! Go get married!

Oh, but not if you live in Ohio.

I have calmed down quite a bit since my last post, and now my question is "No, seriously, what are you people thinking?" I'm going to ignore the whole war-in-Iraq thing momentarily and focus in on the stuff that will affect us from day to day.

With a Republican majority in the House, the Senate, and the White House, everyone left of Zell Miller is shot to shit. There will be at least one and potentially as many as three seats in the Supreme Court up for grabs within the next four years. The Democrats (and anyone who categorizes themselves as liberals) are well and truly fucked.

I'm sorry. Very unladylike language.

Eleven states voted to outlaw gay marriage - and in some cases, not only gay marriage but civil unions or domestic rights as well. Goodbye gay rights. Bush is ardently pro-life. Let's see what happens when he appoints a highly conservative Supreme Court Justice and somebody decides to revisit Roe v. Wade. Whether I want to admit it or not, there is some basis for the argument that abortion should be a states' rights issue.

Goodbye reformed health care. Hello bigger budget deficit.

I don't want to be here anymore.

OH! And a brief note on the whole issue of terrorism... THE WAR ON IRAQ IS NOT THE SAME AS THE WAR ON TERRORISM. Wake up and smell the mocha, people.

Apparently the Brits agree with me.